Let Me Count The Ways
by Esperata
Summary: The span of Spock and McCoy's relationship can be conveyed with all its ups and downs in a single sonnet by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.


You made him forget."

Spock looked up at the unexpected voice.

"Rayna," McCoy explained. "You made him forget her. Why?"

Spock considered his response. McCoy was genuinely curious and deserved an honest reply.

"You said love was not in my dictionary," he reminded him. "I wished to show you that you were mistaken."

Something flickered in the doctor's eyes and he nodded.

"That's what I thought," he concluded with a sigh before turning and leaving.

Spock frowned at the unexpected response.

* * *

"Doctor." Spock finally cornered him. "Are you recovered from our experiences on Sarpeidon?"

"I should be asking you that," he huffed in reply. "Any emotional fallout?"

"Negative. I am in control of my responses. I wish to apologise for my behaviour…"

McCoy waved it away.

"It's alright. You weren't in control, like you said. "

"But I threatened you," Spock pointed out.

"I've survived worse." MccCoy hesitated. "How's Jim reacting to your… fling… with Zarabeth?"

"Jim? The captain is unaffected."

"Unaffected? Spock human partners tend to be _affected_ no matter how understandable the circumstances."

"Partners? Doctor, Jim and I are _not_ partners."

McCoy frowned.

"But what about Rayna? What about Magna Roma? What about-"

"Doctor. I am not in love with Jim."

"But… I've got a list as long as your arm of examples!"

"I assure you, I do not love Jim." Spock stepped closer. "But… How do I love thee? Let me count the ways."

He stopped and awaited McCoy's reaction.

It was energetic and enthusiastic.

* * *

The ceremony was surprisingly intimate.

And, as befit the crew of the Enterprise, it was fraught from the start. McCoy started the day throwing up from nerves, before they got in a firefight with Romulans and he ended up being rescued from an impromptu kidnapping.

Once everyone was patched up, they retired to the chapel and Kirk finally got to read the service.

Spock had chosen a few lines to read with his vows.

"I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight for the ends of being and ideal grace."

"Darlin'. I love you twice as much."

* * *

The new habit formed unnoticed alongside the old and the five year mission continued with the usual unexpected occurrences.

When a Vendorian shapeshifter impersonated the crew, McCoy automatically teased, "A second Spock would have been too much to take."

And Spock automatically responded that a second McCoy would bring sickbay levels up to standard.

Yet when McCoy was found knocked unconscious by the alien, Spock's relief at his recovery prompted him to quote 'their' sonnet –

"I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need, by sun and candle-light."

McCoy called him a sap but nonetheless hugged the Vulcan tightly and sighed into his neck.

* * *

It happened again when McCoy had been accused of causing a deadly plague and Spock broke him out of jail, nerve pinching the guard and beaming the doctor to safety before proving his innocence.

"I love thee freely, as men strive for right."

And again when Spock recovered from being given a potent love potion by Harry Mudd causing him to pine over Nurse Chapel.

"I love thee purely, as they turn from praise," he assured McCoy devoutly.

Then when the time line was altered so Doctor McCoy didn't even recognise him… he was almost passionate about reaffirming his commitment once the past was repaired.

"I love thee with the passion put to use in my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith."

McCoy didn't understand Spock's sudden desire but he certainly didn't complain.

* * *

But then the mission drew to a close and Spock was forced into a desperate situation. Thirty seven melds – not all of them wanted – with multiple personalities. He simply couldn't deal with the conflicting emotions roiling inside.

McCoy understood. He was a doctor after all. He could see Spock needed to heal so he let him go.

Spock was still struggling to contain his emotions as he boarded the shuttle for Vulcan. He touched McCoy's cheek tenderly and murmured,

"I love thee with a love I seemed to lose with my lost saints."

"I know," McCoy whispered back. "Just hope you'll still remember that after this kolinahr."

* * *

It was harsh being apart.

McCoy tried to lose himself in his Georgia home but never quite settled. It was almost a relief to be drafted back.

Seeing Spock was both pleasure and torment. More of the later as he remained continually distant.

But then he melded with V'Ger and the alien entity gave him something back.

Gave them _both_ something back.

"I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life." Spock actually smiled at him.

McCoy's tears were pure happiness.

"Me too, darlin'. Me too."

* * *

McCoy wished to God now that they'd left it at that.

Spock had been promoted to Captain and McCoy had left his Georgia home to be with him in San Fransisco. Remaining in Starfleet just to be with his Vulcan husband.

To be with him as they faced Khan again.

To be with him as their entire ship was threatened with destruction.

To be with him as he stepped inside the reactor core.

McCoy couldn't understand why his last memory of him was his voice saying words he knew he never heard.

"And, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death."

* * *

"You know," McCoy drawled softly as he approached Spock. "I still don't know if that last part's true."

The statement was part of a test. Spock had recovered remarkably from everything and seemed to recall his relationship with Leonard pretty well. Still, since the fal-tor-pan, he hadn't once quoted Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

McCoy waited to see if the Vulcan would follow his thoughts as he once did.

Spock pondered a moment before reciting their sonnet word for word.

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.  
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height  
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight  
For the ends of being and ideal grace.  
I love thee to the level of every day's  
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.  
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.  
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.  
I love thee with the passion put to use  
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.  
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose  
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,  
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,  
I shall but love thee better after death."

McCoy was unashamedly crying by the end. Spock reached out and wiped the tears away as he said,

"I do believe every word is true."


End file.
